Lem's Life - The WAR of the muffins!
by Iain Boulton
Summary: Lem and his famous lackies must get a box of muffins to the coffee shop before Gendo Ikari leads the revolt against the store. Can Lem survive getting run over by Kaji or the wrath of the anime police? This is first shot at intense cross over comdey so pl


Big Disclaimer: I owe none of the characters Excpet for Lem and CLem. The rest are from their respective shows and are copyright of their following studios. Please don't sue as I'm not making any money from this piece from the back of my mind. Thank you, enjoy my story and feel welcome to e-mail me at iain_boulton@hotmail.com to praise me or to shout at me. I'm only having fun here. ON WITH THE SHOW!  
  
  
Lem's Life - The War of The Muffins!  
  
" Service please!"  
  
" I'll be there in a minute," said Lem reading his newspaper behind the counter.  
  
" But your not doing anything!" cried Asuka.  
  
" If you wait, I'll be there in a minute." Said Lem ignoring her again.  
  
" You said that a minute ago!"  
  
" No I didn't."  
  
" Yes you did!"  
  
" No I didn't."  
  
" Yes you did!"  
  
" Yes I did."  
  
" No you…AHH!" screamed Asuka. " CAN YOU JUST SERVE ME?"  
  
" ALRIGHT!" shouted Lem throwing his newspaper behind him and walking over to the counter. He cleared his throat. " How might I serve you?"  
  
" Cup of Coffee, milk, no sugar."  
  
" Anything else oh German Hitler?"  
  
" Excuse me?" asked Asuka looking at the lemming.  
  
" Anything else?" said Lem quickly.  
  
" No."  
  
" Is the coffee to drink in or to go out?"  
  
" Go out."  
  
" Right," said Lem walking to the coffee machine. He picked up a paper cup and started pouring some coffee in. He looked around for the milk. " Where's the milk?"  
  
" Don't you have any?"  
  
" WE'RE A BLOODY COFFEE SHOP, OF COURSE WE WOULD!" shouted Lem angrily at his customer who was driving him nuts. He looked around the counter holding Asuka's coffee. " Where did I put it?"  
  
" You know I don't really need milk."  
  
" No! No! The customer asks for milk, she shall have milk." Said Lem looking   
around. He turned to Kenny who was in the middle of his break. Sitting behind the counter reading. " HEY! KENNY!"  
  
" Hmp?" asked Kenny looking up at Lem.  
  
" Do you know where the milk is?"  
  
" I don't want any now.." cried Asuka.  
  
" SHUSH!" shouted Lem to Asuka. " Kenny? Where's the milk?"  
  
" Hmmp Hmfp Hmmp Hmp Hfmp." Kenny replied.   
  
" What did he say?" asked Asuka.  
  
" Excuse me for one moment!" said Lem politely. He put the coffee on the counter in front of Asuka; picked up the newspaper, rolled it up and walked around back. Asuka quickly put the money on the counter picked up the coffee and hurried out of the shop.  
  
******  
  
" Dipsy feed all the pretty cats milk," cried Dippy. The stupid Tellytubby had taken the milk, poured it into a bowl and was leaving it outside the back of the coffee shop feeding it to cats. There were two cats licking out of a bowl. " Dipsy love cats."  
  
" DIPSY!" shouted Lem kicking the backdoor to the shop open. Dipsy jumped up. Lem saw the milk and the cats. " What did I say about feeding the cats?"  
  
" Don't feed the cats with the store's milk?"  
  
" That's right," said Lem nodding. " How many times have I said that?"  
  
" Don't know."  
  
" 1025 times!" shouted Lem. " It's amazing how I keep count."  
  
" Dipsy love cats."  
  
" Yes Dipsy loves all things soft and furry." Said Lem rolling his eyes up. " But if I catch you again feeding milk to the cats…" Lem slapped him around the head with the newspaper he rolled up. " …I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO TUBBY HEAVEN!"  
  
" Dipsy don't like getting hit."  
  
" THEN DON'T FEED THE FUCKING CATS MILK!" shouted Lem. He grabbed Dipsy and dragged him inside. " NOW LET'S SERVE SOME CUSTOMERS!"  
  
************  
  
Welcome to the city of Animation. The cities where many delightful animation stars live, eat, drink, work, and sleep. Most of them famous for most means. Take for example Buggs Bunny, he lives in a giant mansion at the end of Looney Tune drive in the Warner Brothers district. But our story is not about Mr Bunny. It's all about the life of an unlucky lemming called Lem. Lem is a less known animation star…well to put it truthfully…he isn't. He's just one of the number of cartoons who don't appear on television or film. He simply lives and works in Animation City.  
Living in a small house in the unknown district, the district where non-animated stars and flopped animated stars live. With this case you would expect the cast of ABC's clerks who got cancelled after two shows. Back to Lem, Lem lives alone in his house and ever morning he gets up and heads to his work. The downtown coffee shop; the only coffee shop in town with food, coffee, and books! Boy, it's so cosy!  
Anyway, you think working in a cosy Coffee Shop is easy for Lem? Guess again, his staff either stupid, don't work a lot, or hate him. His stupid staff consists of Dipsy, a fall out Tellytubby from a children's show. His don't work a lot staff is Kenny McCormick, a guy from South Park who can't speak clearly, and Professor Jeremy Clem, another lemming that just can't give a rats ass about work. The one staff member who hates his guts is Washu, genius scientist from Tenchi Muyo who works there while waiting for production of a new series begins. The two don't get on well…that's why they have shifts that don't have either one of them together. With this…this is Lem's Life and it's bad as hell!  
  
************  
  
It was Monday morning, the start of another working week, Lem, Kenny and Dipsy had the morning shift at the coffee shop from nine in the morning until one in the afternoon. Then Washu would relive Lem. Always during the morning, the place was busy within the first hour but then dies down to the people who rarely in the animation scene. Technically all those who have had a series of an animation series and then wait for it to start again. Lem and his lackeys were there to serve whoever was there so it didn't make a difference.  
  
Lem and Kenny were behind the counter reading newspapers, Dipsy was outside still attending to the cats. No one was in the shop at the moment. The morning rush for coffee had died down. So it was easy time for Lem and Kenny to do some reading.  
  
" This place is always quiet during this time," muttered Lem to himself. " When was the last customer in?"  
  
" Hmmp Hmgpt hmp." Kenny replied.  
  
" Thirty minutes ago!" cried Lem. " Damn it, business gets slow."  
  
" Hmmp?"  
" Kenny! Have you looked around, the only customers we've had this morning is a red head German, a number of stupid Disney characters and a giant panda."  
  
" Hmmp hmpt hmp."  
  
" Yes, Business is slow!" muttered Lem reading his paper again. The door opened and someone came in.  
  
" Can I have some service please?" asked a voice in front of the counter. Lem and Kenny's heads were in newspapers so they didn't know who it was. " Damn it! CAN I GET SOME DAMN Service."  
  
" Fine," said Lem throwing his newspaper down and walking to the counter. He looked at the person in front of the counter. " Oh…morning Ryoko."  
  
" Morning yourself," said Ryoko back. " I can see why you two are slow today."  
  
" Why's that?"  
  
"You ain't got any customers." Snickered Ryoko. Lem blinked and paused.  
  
" You wanted to get something?"  
  
" Oh yes…" said Ryoko taking out a list. "…I need three cups of decaffe coffee two with milk, two caffeine coffees no milk but sugar, four blueberry muffins, two chocolate muffins and some mints." Lem blinked again at the green haired woman.  
  
" Repeat that slowly?"  
  
" Ok sure…" said Ryoko looking at the list. "I need three cups of decaffe coffee two with milk, two caffeine coffees no milk but sugar, four blueberry muffins, two chocolate muffins and some mints." Lem groaned and slapped himself. She had just said it again quickly.  
  
" Give me the list," said Lem snatching the list off Ryoko.  
  
" Hey!"  
  
" Quiet," said Lem. He turned to Kenny. " Kenny! Get off your butt and pour three cups of decaf and two cups of caffeine."  
  
" Hmp!" muttered Kenny getting off his seat and taking out the paper cups.   
  
He started to pour the coffee. Meanwhile Lem went to the muffin stand and picked up the four blueberry muffins and two chocolate muffins. He put them in a bag and gave them to Ryoko. Lem then picked up the milk and walked over to where Kenny was. He poured milk into two of the cups of decaffe. He gave the milk to Kenny and took out the sugar bowl and put teaspoons of coffee into the two caffeine coffees. Kenny took out a bag and the two started to put the coffees in the bag. Lem took the back and gave it to Ryoko.  
  
" That's everything, except the mints." Said Lem summing up a total in the till.  
  
" Don't you do mints?" asked Ryoko.  
  
" What are we? A supermarket? We just serve coffee and food, not mints to make your breath extra fresh for kissing Tenchi."  
  
" Oh…" said Ryoko. " I'll try the Quick Stop."  
  
" You do that," said Lem. " That's $15.95"  
  
" Here's a twenty," said Ryoko giving Lem the money. " You can keep the change."  
  
" Thank you and have a nice day." Said Lem putting the money in the till. He walked back over and sat back down, picked up his newspaper and began reading again. Ryoko shrugged and walked out of the store leaving the two again.  
  
" I swear I forgot to get something this morning," said Lem thinking.  
  
" Hmp?"  
  
" Yes but I can't remember what." Said Lem. He shrugged. " Oh well, it wasn't important."  
  
12 noon  
  
" How long have those two been there?" asked Lem sitting at the counter looking at Belldandy and Keiichi over in the corner making out.  
  
" hmmpt," said Kenny clueless. Lem looked again; the goddess and her hapless   
boyfriend had been sitting secretly in the corner kissing for a while. And it was getting on Lem's nerves. They hadn't brought anything.  
  
" Excuse me! Make out couple!" shouted Lem across the room. " Are you going to buy anything?"  
  
" Give us a minute." Cried Keiichi. He turned back to Belldandy. " I love you Belldandy."  
  
" I love you too Keiichi." Belldandy cried back. The two shared a passionate kiss. For Lem, that was it.  
  
" RIGHT!" shouted Lem taking a boom and running over to them. He started to whap them with the broom. " THIS IS A FUCKING COFFEE SHOP WHERE YOU GET COFFEE NOT WHERE YOU MAKE OUT LIKE FUCKING RABBITS. GET OUT OF MY SHOP NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!" screamed Lem smacking Belldandy and Keiichi around the head with the broom. The two ran out of the door. Lem shook his fist as they crossed the road.  
  
" Hmmpt hmpt hmft." Kenny muttered.   
  
" DON'T YOU START!" shouted Lem holding the broom. Dipsy came through the door with another carton of empty milk.  
  
" Dipsy gave cats milk and…" Dipsy was smacked the face with the broom.  
  
1:01 pm  
  
" Morning people," said Washu coming in with Clem. Lem and Kenny were fast asleep on their stools behind the counter. " WAKE UP!"  
  
" huh?" asked Lem waking up. He saw Washu and then saw Kenny still asleep, he pushed him off his stool and Kenny fell to the floor.  
  
" HMP!" shouted Kenny hitting the floor. Lem got off his stool.  
  
" Afternoon Washu."  
  
" Why were you asleep?" asked Washu raising an eyebrow.  
  
" No one was in the store?"  
  
" Lazy as usual," said Washu getting behind the counter.  
  
" Lazy? I'm the damn boss!"  
  
" Ok you're the laziest boss then," said Washu. Kenny starting to sit back on his stool. Washu took the stool away from Kenny before he sat down. Kenny dropped back on to the floor with a clang. Washu sat down on the stool.  
  
" HMMP!" shouted Kenny getting back up.   
  
" Shut up." Said Washu. She looked at the schedule. " What day is it?"  
  
" Monday," said Clem looking at his watch.  
  
" Monday's muffin day."   
  
" So, we got muffins," said Lem folding his arms.   
  
" Clem, could you check our stock of muffins?"  
  
" Sure," said Clem propping his glasses over his eyes. He walked behind the counter and into the storeroom.   
  
" Why are muffins so important?" asked Lem picking up his newspaper and starting to read it again. Washu swiped his newspaper and started to read it herself.  
  
" Cause there's always a rush for them at around 3:00pm, I hate to see what happens if we can't give the customer's their muffins."  
  
" ACK!" shouted Clem from the storeroom. He rushed out with a box. Washu, Lem and Kenny looked at him.  
  
" This better be good news," gulped Lem. Clem grinned and showed the box. It was empty. Lem's jaw dropped. Washu slapped herself. Kenny blinked.  
  
" OH SHIT!" shouted Lem.  
  
" THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" screamed Washu grabbing Lem's throat and starting to throttle him. Kenny and Clem and tried to pull her off. " YOU SHOULD HAVE GOT   
MORE DAMN STOCK!"  
  
" I…Knew…I…ack…forgot…to…do…something…today," groaned Lem getting throttled. Washu was pulled off and held back. Lem breathed to get air into him.  
  
" YOU CAUSED THIS PROBLEM! YOU DEAL WITH IT!" shouted Washu.  
  
" How did I know we were out of muffins?" asked Lem.  
  
" I TOLD DISPY TO TELL YOU!" screamed Washu. " THAT DIPSHIT!" Lem growled and walked out back of the store.  
  
******  
  
" Dipsy feed cats muffins" said Dipsy spreading muffin crumbs on the pavement for the cats. Lem kicked the backdoor down. " ACK!"  
  
" YOUR DEAD DIPSHIT!" shouted Lem grabbing Dispy's throat and dragging him into the shop.  
  
" SOMEONE HELP DISPY!" cried Dipsy being dragged.  
  
******  
  
" RIGHT!" shouted Lem throwing Dipsy over the counter. He jumped over and proceeded to throttle him in front of Washu, Clem and Kenny. " I'm going to kill you!"  
  
" LEM!" shouted Washu. She throttled him as Lem throttled Dipsy. " THIS IS YOUR FAULT TOO!"  
  
" Guys! Guys! Guys!" cried Clem. " Don't do this."  
  
" SHUT THE FUCK UP!" shouted Lem and Washu together. Clem closed his mouth and walked over to the phone and picked it up. He started dialling on the phone as Lem, Washu were throttling each other madly.  
  
" Hello Quick stop?" asked Clem looking at his glasses as he was on the phone. " Do you have a supply of muffins, all flavours of the Muffin Brand? Ah ha. Yeah, how much? I see, good, get a box ready, we'll send someone up to get them. Thank you, bye." He put the phone down. " Washu…Lem…" The two were still fighting.   
"….CUT THAT SHIT OUT! Damn it, I swore."  
  
" What?" asked Lem and Washu together with hands around each other's throat.  
  
" I got us a box of muffins at the quick stop, we can go get them right now."  
  
" We as in Lem," said Washu.  
  
" Why me?"  
  
" Cause you're off working now until 3." Washu said letting go of his throat. " Go and get them."  
  
" Ok," cried Lem getting up from the floor. Clem gave him some money from the till.   
  
" I'll be back shortly."  
  
" And hurry for but we have only…" Clem said making mad hand signs. Lem raised his eyebrows. "…1 hour."  
  
" Stupid fuck," groaned Lem walking out of the shop, Keiichi and Belldandy tried to get back into the shop. " GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY SHOP!" the two ran off as Lem got into his car and drove off.  
  
******  
  
" Cheers Dante, you're a life saver." smiled Lem giving him the money. " At least something is going well."  
  
KA-BOOM  
  
" What the fuck was that?" asked Randal looking around from behind the counter. He looked out of the window and saw black smoke. " Ah….that."  
  
" What's that?" asked Dante looking out of the window. " Oh crap."  
  
" What is it?" asked Lem coming behind the counter and looking outside. He paused and looked at the sight the three were looking at. He blinked, speechless, he then picked up the box of muffins and proceeded to the door.  
  
Lem walked outside with the box of muffins and saw where the smoke was coming from. His car was in flames, smoking heavily. By the car, Jay and Silent Bob were smoking. Lem looked at them, the two were grinning like monkeys trying to hide something.  
  
" Did you just blow up my car?" asked Lem. They nodded. He paused. " What did my car do to you?"  
  
" Well," said Jay sweating. " You see…"  
  
" YOU TWO SHITHEADS JUST HAPPENED TO SMOKE BY MY CAR! DROPPED A LIGHTED BUTT AND MAKE IT GO BANG DIDN'T YOU. OH THIS IS FUCKING PERFECT! I'VE GOT A BOX OF MUFFINS TO TAKE BACK TO MY STORE WHERE IN LESS THAN 45 MINUTES WILL BE FLOODED BY CARTOONS WANTING THEIR MUFFINS. AND THANKS TO YOU TWO ARSES..I'M GOING TO BE LATE!"  
  
" Dude, it was an accident."  
  
" ACCIDENT! YOU KNOW SMOKING KILLS! FUCK IT'S JUST BLOWN MY CAR TO THE FUCKING MOON!" screamed Lem. " I'M GOING TO…."  
  
" Lem!" shouted Dante from the window. " There's a bus leaving in five minutes at the corner of the Kwiki-Mart. It stops at your store!"  
  
" BRILLIANT!" screamed Lem. He turned to Jay and Silent Bob. " When this is all over…I'm going to ram your heads in with something but now…" Lem hurried off down the street.  
  
********  
  
" I don't understand, that idiot should be back now," muttered Washu looking outside of the coffee shop window.  
  
" Perhaps he checked into a mental asylum?" asked Clem.  
  
" No…Lem wouldn't do that unless Dipsy was with him."  
  
" Dipsy wants some milk." cried Dipsy from behind the counter.  
  
" I thought Lem told you not to give milk to the cats?" asked Clem.  
  
" Dipsy want to feed cats!"  
  
" Oh go on!" shouted Washu. " He's needs to be back in 40 minutes before the crowds gather."  
  
" Hmmp hmmpt hmmpt hmp?" asked Kenny.  
  
" No, we're not covered by mob damage!" screamed Washu at Kenny.  
  
********  
  
" Come on! Come on!" groaned Lem jumping up and down at the bus stop with his box of muffins. He looked at his watch. The bus was ten minutes late. " I've got half and hour to get back to my store!"  
  
Lem was standing on the corner of Leonardo Street waiting for the 245 bus. With the clock ticking against him, Lem didn't want to be late. Another five minutes passed. Lem screamed and stopped the first person that walked by the bus stop.  
  
" WHERE'S THE BUS?" shouted Lem at the moustached fellow he grabbed.  
  
" Why hi-dilly-hi friend-o-rio. I'm sorry but that dang dilly dang bus doesn't come today!" said the stranger.  
  
" WHAT!" shouted Lem pulling on his green jumper. " THEN WHY ISN'T THERE A SIGN?"  
  
" Cause it's all explained on that lovely time table," said the stranger. " Hi I'm Ned Flanders. Nice to meet you."  
  
" FUCK YOU!" shouted Lem. He punched Flanders. He picked up his box of muffins and ran off down the street.  
  
" Gee…" said Flanders dazed on the pavement with a black eye. "…what a nice fella."  
  
******  
  
" I see the crowds gathering," said Clem by the front door of the coffee shop. There was a group of twenty random animated characters by the door.  
  
" WE WANT MUFFINS!" growled Gendo pressing his face against the door.  
  
" Shit! The Evangelion professor loosing it!" cried Clem bouncing back.  
  
" He always does," said Washu looking at her watch. " Come on Lem you daft bastard."  
  
******  
  
" Mustn't be late, mustn't be late, I CAN'T BE LATE!" screamed Lem running down Springfield shopping centre. " Ok…the plan is run as fast as you can. Don't stop, keep moving."   
  
" Hey, no running on the sidewalk," cried Chief Wiggum as Lem ran pass him.   
  
" BULLSHIT," cried Lem running.  
  
" Why I ought to…" he paused and saw the box of muffins. " …Muffins!" He took out his radio. " Attention all Springfield cops, Lem's making his way back to his coffee shop with a fresh stack of muffins!" Wiggum put the radio away and wadded after Lem.  
  
Lem manage to reach the cross roads of the Springfield district to the anime district within a few minutes. Lem stopped at the roadside and looked to make sure no cars were coming. Lem quickly hurried across the road. He then heard a beep noise and turned to his left. Only to be hit by a blue car. Lem rolled over the car and landed on his back with the box of muffins unharmed.  
  
" OW!" shouted Lem hitting the ground. The car stopped.  
  
Inside the car, the driver turned off the engine and looked around. He didn't seem to notice that he hit Lem for some strange reason. He blinked a couple of times.  
  
" What did we hit Misato?" asked Kaji looking around. Misato lifted her head up from his lap somehow.   
  
" Did we hit anything?" asked Misato looking in the windscreen mirrors. She saw Lem staggering to get up. " Holy crap we hit something!"  
  
The two got out of the car and walked over to Lem who was staggering on the ground   
with his box of muffins.  
  
" Hello mummy," said Lem dazed. " Can I have a bucket of lollypops please?"  
  
" Excuse me," said Misato. She quickly shook Lem. " Are you ok."  
  
" WHO? WHAT? WHERE? HOW?" shouted Lem coming too. He looked at Misato.   
  
" Why is there something white on your lips."  
  
" Shit!" cried Misato wiping her mouth. Another car stopped by and the driver got out. A blonde female ran over.  
  
" I saw the accident, is he ok?" asked the female. She paused as she saw Misato. " Misato? What are you doing here?"  
  
" Taking a break Ritusko," gulped Misato looking away. Ritusko noticed Kaji.  
  
" And what is HE doing there!" shouted Ritusko.  
  
" We decided to have lunch together," said Kaji rolling his eyes up. Lem looked at the three.  
  
" Oh…so some of the white stuff on your lips was lunch…" said Lem. Ritusko paused and looked at Misato.  
  
" WHITE STUFF ON LIPS?"  
  
" I can explain," said Misato. " You see…."  
  
" YOU GAVE HIM A…."  
  
" Shit look at the time," said Lem interrupting looking at his watch. " I would really like to see you two discuss Misato's sexual relationships with Kaji in the car but I've got muffins to deliver!" he shouted. " Good day!"   
  
He ran on into the anime district. Ritusko watched Lem leave and turned to Kaji and Misato who had got back in the car.  
  
" WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING?" asked Ritusko.  
  
" Up yours," came Misato response giving her the middle finger as her car drove off. Ritusko got in her car and followed.  
  
******  
  
" I really hate to be a bother," said Clem looking outside the window seeing the masses of animated characters building. " BUT THE CROWD'S GETTING LARGER!"  
  
" Snap out of it!" screamed Washu slapping Clem.  
  
" I needed that."  
  
" Good!" shouted Washu.   
  
" We only want your muffins!" cried Homer Simpson poking his head through the window. Washu slammed the window down on Homer's head. Homer fell on some of the crowd. " DOH!"  
  
" Tell Dipsy and Kenny to watch the backdoor in case Lem arrives." said Washu heading to the counter. She took out a key.  
  
" Kay," said Clem walking to the kitchen. He paused and looked at Washu. " What are you doing?"  
  
" If that crowd sets one foot in this shop, I'm giving them a barrel full of lead." Washu added opening a cupboard and taking out a shotgun. She cocked it and pointed it at the door where animated characters were pushing their faces.  
  
" You've been watching Alien again haven't you?"  
  
" GO AND TELL KENNY AND DISPY WHAT TO DO!" shouted Washu firing the gun in the air. Clem ran into the kitchen.  
  
******  
  
" I gotta stop running," cried Lem running down a road. " I'm running out of breath." He looked at his watch. " Oh no! 15 minutes left!"  
  
Lem was now around a couple of yards away from the coffee shop. In fact he was just on the back road behind the store. In Warner Brother town. The acme-shopping district. Many Warner Bothers characters that weren't mad for the muffins were doing their shopping. Lem stopped outside the acme TNT shop and sat down and caught his breath. He sat next to an old man.  
  
" Phew, I haven't run that fast in a while," said Lem panting. He looked at the old man with a cane who was staring out into the distant. " Bruce Wayne? What are you   
looking at?"  
  
" The bat signal." said the old man.  
  
" Bat Signal?" asked Lem thinking. " I think you're too old for that shit."  
  
" I'm not too old, when I was Batman before Terry came along I was the ladies man with pecks to show off. I'm strong as an ox."  
  
" Oh yeah! Prove it." said Lem.  
  
" I'll prove it."  
  
" Hold my box of Muffins." said Lem giving him the box. Bruce fell to the ground instantly, he didn't move. Lem looked around.  
  
" Um…Bruce?" asked Lem. The old batman didn't move. " Oh fuck!" Lem picked up the box of muffins and carried on his way. Terry came out of the TNT shop behind the bench with two ice creams.  
  
" Ok Mr Wayne, I got you a double flaked ice cream cone just like you said and…" Terry saw Bruce on the pavement. He paused and looked around blankly. " Gotta run!" He threw the ice creams at Bruce and ran off.  
  
******  
  
" WE WANT MUFFINS! WE WANT MUFFINS!" chanted the crowd of zombie-animated characters outside the coffee shop pressing against the windows. Washu was pointing her shotgun at them.  
  
" If any of you fuckers move an inch in this store, I'll blow you away." cried Washu. Ryoko came in from the back of the store.  
  
" Hey Lem. I just came to get another round of coffee and…" Ryoko said coming in. Washu turned around and pointed the shotgun at her. " …MUM!"  
  
" What the hell are you doing here Ryoko?"  
  
" Tenchi, Ayeka and Kiyone elected me for a coffee run! I'm allowed out back sometimes so I invited myself in."  
  
" Can't you see that I'm busy?" said Washu pointed to the animated customers. Ryoko turned and her jaw dropped.   
  
" My god, even Mickey Mouse is there!" cried Ryoko.  
  
" Me and Minnie need a blueberry muffin!" shouted Mickey.  
  
" WELL NO ONE IS GETTING ONE UNTIL WE GET THEM IN!" shouted Washu cocking the shotgun. " None of you are getting any…on my watch!"  
  
" Washu! Stop going crazy." cried Clem from the back of the store.  
  
" What are you three doing back there anyway?" asked Washu peering her head in. Clem, Kenny and Dipsy were sitting drinking coffee and eating cookies. " Oh you bastards! You don't do anything do you!"  
  
" LET ME IN! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" shouted Lem from the backdoor. Washu hurried over and unlocked the door. Lem dived in with the muffins.  
  
" You made it, with 3 minutes to spare." cried Washu. " We're saved."  
  
" No, we still got those nutters out front," said Clem. A window smashed in the coffee shop. The group looked at saw the customers coming in screaming for muffins.  
  
" HOLY CRAP!" shouted Lem.  
  
" MUFFINS! MUFFINS!" cried Homer leading the group towards the kitchen. Lem threw the box into the coffee shop.  
  
" LEM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" shouted Washu. Lem held out his hand to Washu.  
  
" Mobile phone please," said Lem. Washu gave Lem the phone. He dialled a number.  
  
" Yes, can you put me through to Anime police?"  
  
******  
  
" This is William Collins from the ATF, I use to be in Gunsmith Cats, how can I help you?" asked Will picking up the phone and taking out a pen and piece of paper. He started scribbling. " Mad riot in the coffee shop, send everyone you got down here now, come in twenty minutes and you get a month's supply of coffee and doughnuts. Understood." He put the phone down. " Hey! Guys, we got a case!"  
  
" At last," cried Rally Vincent sleeping on her desk.  
  
" We got to save a group of shop keepers from a mad riot." cried William jumping up and down. " I'm so happy."  
  
" Are we to find satisfaction in this mean less desk job?" asked Urd sitting next to Rally. William blinked.  
  
" You get to use firearms."  
  
" OH YEAH!" cried Rally. She grabbed several weapons from the cabinets. Urd   
blinked.  
  
" I think my soaps are on. Call on the Bubblegum Girls." said Urd walking out of the station.  
  
******  
  
" Knight Sabres we got a new mission," cried Sylia. " Get your hard suits on and lets get some action!"  
  
" Do we have to?" asked Priss. " I'm playing with Staind tonight."  
  
" I DON'T CARE! DO IT!" shouted Sylia.   
  
" Yippee, we got a job," cried Nene.  
  
" At last we can give people the hint about sexist animes which feature women." said Lina sitting proudly in her plug suit. The other three girls looked at her with no clue what she said and then beat her up.  
  
******  
  
" How long have they been at the muffins?" asked Clem sitting by the kitchen door. " It's not natural for this to happen!"  
  
" Yeah, eating quite a lot of muffins has that effect on them," said Lem blinking. " God created the fucking rule."  
  
" I think they'll go away soon," said Washu looking in. The mob of around 40 cartoon characters were lying on the ground. The group slowly walked into the coffee shop where the sleeping toons were laying.  
  
" Damn, Homer must had eaten twenty muffins." Said Lem.  
  
" Think of those poor anime characters laying by the door," cried Clem pointing to where Gendo, Rei and Chun-Li were laying sleeping like lions. Lem noticed Belldandy and Keiichi kissing instead of sleeping by the door. Lem grabbed Washu's shotgun.  
  
" GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE!" shouted Lem. Washu swiped the shotgun back and smacked Lem in the mouth. " What was that for."  
  
" Quiet, they wake up, they'll want more muffins!" whispered Washu.  
" Ok." Lem said wiping some blood from his face. " New plan, let's slowly get out of the store, in a quiet and calm manner."  
  
" ANIME POLICE DON'T MOVE!" screamed William Collins running into the shop with his pistol.  
  
The glass windows of the shop smashed opened as Rally Vincent, Kome, and the Bubblegum Crisis girls flew in. The Tick and Arthur appeared also along with Evangelion units 01 and 02 and the Dirty Pair Flash Girls.   
  
" THIS IS A BUST!"  
  
" Muffins?" asked Gendo waking up. The group looked at him.  
  
" RUN!" shouted Lem. Lem, Washu, Clem , Kenny, Dipsy and Ryoko ran to the back of the store and out the back.  
  
" Are there more muffins?" asked Homer waking up. He looked around. " Hey Mickey, there's no muffins."  
  
" No muffins!" cried Mickey and Minnie together. Fry, Leila and Bender woke up also.  
  
" WHERE ARE THE MUFFINS!" shouted the three together.  
  
" LET'S REVOLT!" shouted Gendo jumping up. The mad mob turned to the anime police. William sweat dropped.  
  
" Uh…guys….I love you?" asked William to his team. The mob attacked.  
  
******  
  
" Well there's goes the store," moaned Washu sitting on the bench across the road from the shop watching the anime police and the mob fighting with the shop falling to pieces.  
  
" There goes another 5 grand to rebuild," Lem said drinking a bottle of beer next to her. " Oh well, no work for a few weeks."  
  
" Ahem," cried Clem.   
  
" I don't have to work?" asked Ryoko. " Oh yes!"  
  
" you don't work here," Lem said to Ryoko.   
  
" Even better," Ryoko cried. She skipped off.  
  
" We better get to Moe's," said Clem. " Soon this will end and I can't bear to see the aftermath."  
  
" Me neither," said Lem getting up from the bench. " Come on everyone, drinks my treat."  
  
" Dipsy hug Lem," cried Dipsy happily.   
  
" GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" shouted Lem punching Dipsy. He put a hand in his jacket to get his wallet. He blinked. " Where's my muffin."  
  
" Hmmpt hmpt hmmpt hmpt hmmpt," Kenny said.  
  
" I put it in my car's glove compartment and…my car has exploded and…." Lem reaching the conclusion. "….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY LIFE IS HELL!"  
  
******  
  
The End  



End file.
